Clarify Your Identity, Unleash Your Authentic Life
Get in Touch Clarify Your Self-Identity, Unleash Your Authentic Life If you don’t know who you are, you show up to the world with a blank piece of paper, and anyone can write anything on it – Dr Jay Barnett There used to be this advert of a guy who walks up to a counter in an airport, has a bit of disagreement with the lady behind the counter, and starts shouting: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?😂😂 Silly right? Well, that’s what our minds scream in places and times of confusion when we haven’t sat down to clarify and define who we really are. YOUR TRUEST IDENTITY = YOUR POWER There came a time when I realized I wasn’t in control of my life. Not in control of where it was, and distressingly uncertain of where it was going. An existential crisis where I was questioning everything about me. Yes, there was much I had achieved but some of it felt like I was achieving for the sake of achieving, achieving to keep up with my society-given identity of a super-achiever. And then there were those areas I was good at failing at😀. I would never expect to be good at everything, but it all just felt so misaligned, so much so that I even felt like I was failing at the wrong things, that I should have been failing at something else instead. I’d been given so many labels throughout my life and, I’m certain, so have you. Some empowering (go-getter), some discouraging (stuck up), some pressurizing (high achiever). As you can see, some of these didn’t allow failure. I felt like I was conforming to whatever label was pasted on me, like my life was just happening to me and I was, for the most part, reacting and dealing with what it threw my way. And one tends to do a good job out of that eventually, ducking and jumping and tending to the bruises when a blow landed. Got to a point where I felt I could not soar, I got weary, I got faint. I get it, some people prefer to go through life not knowing where they’re going or working towards. They prefer to just be living it up like there’s no tomorrow, and that’s ok. Do you boo. Not for me though. I needed to take the reins back. I wanted to live a life true to who I was, my authentic self. I wasn’t thinking as far out as life vision and future goals stuff at the time, but I knew I needed to take and feel in control of my life. The heralder of my identity definition & clarification was when I started reflecting on why someone labelled me ‘gullible’.😏 I’d been marinating in that for a while and wondering how on earth do I change that about me. And why God would make me that way if it was to my detriment. Until I came to the epiphany that I’m perfect the way God made me, and that there are no bad human traits. This made perfect sense to me since I believe/d what God created is good. There are just undesirable re-programmings and timings and contexts and labels for human traits. I no longer wanted to change the ‘gullible’ part of me. What I did instead was ask God for wisdom as to when I’d need to readily believe the best in someone, because that’s what gullible is, isn’t it? Told you, undesirable labels! I then got interested in reflecting about what else I thought or was told was a bad trait in me and disarm it. Uuh, I was always told I was hypersensitive. I realized it was necessary for me to be hypersensitive in certain contexts, e.g. to discern when somebody is silently suffering, but not in others. I also understood that some of the labels others gave me, came from a place of them witnessing consequences of previous hurts in me. These I resolved I could no longer accept as part of whatever was my identity anymore, they were hurtful to carry. Point in case, I’d subconsciously accepted the label of hot-tempered as part of my identity but it was something that was harmful and sabotaging to my success as a partner and as a mother. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. I knew that I desired to think and be different. Clarifying my identity This excavation of labels cascaded into ‘you have all these labels given to you and they’re part of your identity, but who are you really?’ ‘You want to run away from this harmful labels and their attached behaviours, but where do you run to?’🤔 This is how I began taking control of my life. I reasoned, if my life seemed just reactive and unintentional, then I needed it to be intentional. I reverse-engineered it. If I needed it to be intentional, what would I need to be intentionally doing? If I needed to be doing something intentional, then where would I need to be intentionally going? If I needed to be going somewhere then how would I know where I needed to be going? In other words, the things that I would be desiring to get to, how would I know them if I didn’t know myself? That meant going back to the drawing board to clarify and define my identity. It all started with ‘whose are you?’ and went all the way down to ‘what do you do.’ Because identity is a multi-layered concept. I suppose that’s why one of the most difficult questions to answer is ‘tell us, who are you?’ Oftentimes when we’re asked who we are we start with, or even just mention, what we do. But if our identity rode on that, what happens when I’m no longer a mother, or a pathologist, or a member of the worshipping team at church? I believe, at the end of the day, physical
Purpose isn’t something to be chased…
Get in Touch Purpose isn’t something to be chased… Your gifts, abilities and talents are all tied to your purpose. Align these to your roles and you are walking in purpose. People talk about walking in purpose; pursuing their purpose; finding their purpose; finding a purpose partner, and so forth. And other people be out here confused and disillusioned when they reflect about their own journeys! A doctor friend of mine once relayed to me, in a discouraged tone, that she’s in an existential crisis because she did not feel like she was walking in her purpose. I hear a lot of ‘I’m not sure what my purpose is’ in my coaching. I’m not going to lie, I used to wonder about my purpose myself. All the these led me to pursue the meaning of the word, and to decide that part of my assignment as a coach was to bring people to a place of alignment with their purpose. Hey, I’m Shibu, a Self-Mastery & Purpose Coach😁. I digress. My understanding of purpose derives from dictionaries and the Bible: Purpose is simply the reason/intention for which something was made/created. When the Creator considered creating humans (called ‘adams’ in Genesis, Hebrew translation), He said to do so in His image, so that they will subdue the earth and have dominion over everything else He created on it. There, that was the purpose of human creation! That was, IS, your purpose. I know it’s simplistic, it shouldn’t be complicated either. So how were two people supposed to subdue and dominate this vast earth? He charged them first to be ‘fruitful and multiply’. What would they be multiplying? His image, His likeness, His nature. In human race multiplying, they would automatically multiply His nature. What is this nature? The seed that God put in you. Your gifts, your talents. And, He puts different measures in each person. Your internal nature to be a creator, an encourager, a nurturer, a provider, a teacher, a healer, an advocate, a writer, etc., is the work assigned to you to multiply. If you read your Bible, aren’t these all attributes of God? When the first adam was made, his place of dominion (the earth to subdue) and a small part of the earth (garden of Eden) within which to do his work, were already in existence. He is created a male (an external work related attribute), and given a gardener role. Later he is a husband and a father. I hear people say ‘my purpose in life is to be a wife’. I ask: Was being a gardener the purpose or a role through which Adam could do the work of nurturing? Is a role the purpose? This is what we learn from the account of creation: We have a universal purpose as humankind. This remains constant. We are given different abilities to do the works tied to this purpose. I’m confident these are also constant because the Bible says a calling is irrevocable. These give us our positive passions, inclinations, and desires. We are then assigned places to do our work in, our roles or gardens of Eden if you will. These places are environments and the people divinely assigned to you to do your work in and through. They are the only ones on the entire earth who will hear/receive what you have to say/do for them! You are a goldmine to them! This is where your value is realized. And because this is where most confusion is experienced, I’ll mention this: In Christian circles, I understand a calling to be your work and assignment a role. Roles can be in relationships and careers. Notably, roles change. Yes, we use our roles to define our identities, but we should only do so as a last layer and not be attached to them as our core identities. If you are a husband, what happens when you lose your job? Do you stop your work of providing? Should you not continue providing security, comfort, support, etc. to your family? Also, and I hope this does not rattle any cages but, as a case in point with my doctor friend, I have to ask this: just because you were given the ability to heal, does it mean you have to be a doctor to do it? You can certainly heal through food! I mean that chocolate cake with the 70% dark chocolate ganache is some heavenly medicine! To end the people’s confusion, let’s stop ascribing to this idea that purpose is something to be chased. No, you already came with a purpose and works built in. The greatest issue, at the end of the day, is wisely aligning your roles to your God-given abilities/gifts/talents. Don’t be a wife when you know that the humility of submitting is not your skill. O o, did I rattle again? Same applies to men. Submitting is for both parties. Bible say submit to one another. I firmly believe this: You don’t develop a new talent or ability. You had it in you all along, covered, undiscovered. Nothing is new under the sun. However, you nurture talent, you build it up, you fan it up. TAKE HOME As long as there’s alignment with the abilities you are divinely given, you are walking in purpose and you will be fruitful! You won’t feel unfulfilled, frustrated and/or dissatisfied. If you were to park your Bentley in the garage and forget about it, yes it beautifies your garage, but car enthusiasts will have a field day with you: ‘These cars were made to be driven! You are actually damaging it if you don’t drive it!’ That is exactly why it is an existential crisis for a person, who is far more valuable than a Bentley, to not be walking in purpose, or be feeling like that. This epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks and liberated me from the chase: If God made me with a purpose in mind, then I’m valuable for just existing. And maybe even, my purpose is in merely
From death to life: How a death investigator became a life coach!
Get in Touch From death to life: How a death investigator became a life coach! Life has a way of leading us down unexpected paths, often revealing our true callings in the most unconventional of circumstances. For me, the journey towards becoming a life transformation coach was born from a place of self-discovery and a need for healing, and an unquenchable desire to help others find their own inner power and fulfillment. After being in medical practice for just over 20 yrs, I gave myself the permission to find and do something I am passionate about. Here’s my story to becoming a life transformation coach and how I can help. I often jokingly say that Forensic Pathology chose me. I vividly recall a moment during my community service year as a clinician when I found myself sitting on some steps, overwhelmed by depression, exhaustion, and burnout. This wasn’t exactly the healthiest foundation for any relationship, let alone one with a profession. My foray into life coaching was nothing short of a life-or-death situation, pun highly intended. I deal with death everyday as a pathologist, and perhaps in some way that, unlike when I started, is slowly ebbing my life away. All in all, I reached an existential crisis, questioning my identity and overall sense of fulfillment. At times, it felt as though I was on the brink of disintegrating into my atomic particles and disappearing into thin air. My story is rooted in my upbringing and early experiences. We affectionately nicknamed my mother the ‘minister of advice’ as she possessed an innate desire to see the best in people. I, too, had an inclination towards encouraging others from a young age, but back then, it took the form of being a non-judgmental listener and asking thought-provoking questions. However, even though I had a natural aptitude for helping others, I often struggled to feel seen or like I belonged, especially during my school years. I also felt this when classmates sought my assistance with math problems, a task I would impatiently help them with. But math wasn’t where my true passion lay’ it was in the intimate conversations I had with popular girls who confided in me about their life issues. Throughout my life, I had a deep desire to empower others, to make them realize the incredible potential they held within themselves. I often encountered individuals who felt disempowered, hindered by past traumas or negative conditioning. I would leave frustrated because no matter how hard I encouraged, I could not really speak to their inner man. This challenge struck a chord with me because I had faced similar struggles, stemming from childhood trauma. Much had been taken from me as a result, which I needed to reclaim. I also understood that I had to work on my healing first before I could attempt to help others. I had to put the oxygen mask on myself first. I embarked on my own journey of healing, first through therapy, and then through transformation coaching. When I began to work through the emotional baggage and rubble, I experienced a transformation – both physically and mentally. I felt lighter and looked lighter. The journey continues. As I explored life transformation coaching and learned techniques to connect with a person’s inner self and unlock their godly nature, I discovered a newfound sense of purpose. The fulfillment I experienced was beyond words. So, what exactly is the role of a life transformation coach (LTC)? An LTC serves as a bridge to fast-track the journey from your current undesired state or life problem to your desired outcome or solution. They not only motivate you to get there but they empower and equip you to get there. Here are 10 ways they can help: Clarifying and Crafting Goals: They can assist you in formulating and crafting your goals more effectively, giving you tools and strategizing with you about how to achieve them. Motivation and Accountability: They provide the motivation and accountability needed to take physical and mental actions toward your objectives. Identifying True Values: They help you differentiate between what you genuinely value and what you say you value, and align them to each other. Resolving Inner Conflicts: They guide you in quieting the internal conflicts and disagreements between your empowered and disempowered selves. These discords keep you stuck and limit you from achieving your desired outcomes. Emotional Mastery: LTCs assist you in handling and responding to negative emotions disproportionately triggered in various situations. You’re then able to respond and not react. This increases your emotional intelligence. Releasing Negative Emotions Associated with Trauma: You can learn to let go of those emotions that weigh you down and sap creative and healing energy. Changing Behaviors/Attitudes: Habits are difficult things to break, let alone on your own. LTCs can help reprogram your mind to expedite the process of changing behaviors and attitudes. Changing Limiting Beliefs: LTCs help you remove beliefs and patterns that hinder your success and replace them with empowering ones. Self-Image Transformation: They aid in transforming your self-image to one that empowers you and attracts what you desire. Boosting Self-Worth and Confidence: LTCs can help you assert your self-worth and enhance your self-confidence. LTCs draw from a range of disciplines, including Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Psychology, Psycho-cybernetics, Quantum Physics, Neuroscience, and Religion. These diverse concepts and techniques aim to renew and unlock the power of your mind, allowing you to embrace your original, empowered, and godly self. As echoed by our coaching services’ name, life transformation coaching is getting you aligned and Harmonized with the life you are called for, empowering you to tap into your original Resourced self, and Manifesting your life of purpose and fulfilment through your desired goals. TAKE HOME In my journey from a clinician to a forensic pathologist to a life transformation coach, I’ve come to realize that, as pertains to my calling of healing, my true fulfillment comes from helping others discover their inner strength and achieve mental prosperity. I encourage you to explore the power of life transformation coaching, and