You’ve either heard about them, read about them, or put them to practice in your life: the five love languages by Gary Chapman.

He coined these 5 different ways in which you receive and express love: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service.

I don’t think he meant for these to be finite, after all, love is a many-splendored thing.

I found that me-time should be added to the 5.

Funny thing is, as I was writing this post, this married friend of mine with kids tells me that she’s taking a solo trip to the sea. I’m like, urrr, yaasss!! Right on!! Absolutely.

And then I remember how it’s been so long that I’ve taken myself out. Have had solo time, doing my own things, but have not dated myself in quite a while. Something needs to be done about that and soon!

They say introverts recharge and energize themselves in me-time and solitude, and extroverts do so by the presence of others.

I think this ideation somewhat disadvantages extroverts, such that many get bored and uncomfortable being by themselves.

Thing is we don’t always need to be recharging or energizing, we also need to have moments of self-discharge. This helps us remove any charges that are harmful to us and replenish with useful ones.

We all need space to be by ourselves. To examine ourselves and our lives. To find ourselves. To have self-awareness and get in touch with ourselves. To deal with things that are not pleasing about and to us.

To have that slice of moist chocolate cake with 70% chocolate ganache frosting and a cuppa mocha java in peace.🕊️Just because.

To connect with God inside of us and around us. To fill ourselves with God. 

ME-TIME.

We can then get out of there at peace, grounded and many times having found our truth. It can only be beneficial to those around us. After all, we are mandated to live at peace with one another.

Love yourself enough to gift yourself that time. Love someone enough to gift them a peaceful and grounded you. 

Love someone enough to gift them me-time.

A big part of setting healthy boundaries with others and setting them up for success in your relationship, is letting them know that you need and when you need your me-time.

Long gone are the times when we personalized and got upset at our partner’s need to go hiking alone, or running alone, or to the movies alone.

We now should understand that it’s their time with themselves, to themselves, and not away from you.

It’s their time to love on themselves and not hate on you. ‘You don’t love me, why would you leave me here and go to the restaurant alone’. Whaaaat?!🤯😵‍💫😆

They receive love that way, being given the space and the trust to just be. Oh and when they’re getting away from you, you’ll know!

I should be free to do whatever I’d like to do in my me-time. Maybe I’ll just sit by myself, or maybe go out by myself. Just let me.

Going to the movies is just something I like to do on my own. If you ever find yourself in a theatre with me, just keep it shut, please. I can’t stand it!😆Someone talking to me over a movie. Nuh uh!

I don’t prefer shopping for clothes with others because, 1. I don’t like the ‘take off your clothes and fit’ routine so I rush through it or don’t do it at all.

And 2. I don’t like sitting there and responding to ‘does this suit me?’🤷🏽‍♀️ I do better with shoes.

You could get told you’re stand-offish, like I did, because you intentionally protect your me-time. Be ok with that. Time for people-pleasing is long gone.

It’s just as important to set such boundaries with kids so they know it’s ok for them too. After all, our me-time is for their benefit.

My child now absolutely gets my me-time, recognizes when I need it, and she respects it. In fact, she also respects her own me-time.

One thing we need to watch out for though, and I’m guilty of this, is buffering my me-time. Buffering means I schedule me-time to just rest or meditate but end up watching a show, or reading about life coaching.

These are still all beneficial to me, but resting and not doing anything is just as beneficial. I suppose I’m still low-key believing that not doing anything is wasting my time or procrastination. Definitely need to work on that.

Buffering can be in harmful ways as well. e.g. overdrinking, smoking, ruminating, etc., because we’re afraid of facing ourselves.

You of the school that says you’ll rest when you’re sleeping or dead?😁. Reconsider. In the middle of your mentally or physically intensive activities you need that pause.

I know you’ll tell me that your spouse or kids are waiting for you at home after a long day.Well, tell them you need a pause before you can join them. Do yourself justice and actually take it.

Even God rested on the 7th day after His marvelous works of creation. You’re made in His image, right? So it’s in your nature to need to take that pause. And He did in fact instruct us to take the rest, didn’t He? Selah…

TAKE HOME

Me-time is not selfish and it’s a language of love. It’s let me fill my cup first so that I have something to pour for others. It’s part of self-love, motivated by a desire to serve better.

It’s imperative to your mental wellness, and it’s a God-given right.

Allow and give yourself the permission to sit with yourself and be one with yourself.

If you desire to develop self-trust and self-belief, learn to stick with what you plan for yourself as far as is possible, and do what you say you’ll do for yourself.

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