Harmonized Resourced Manifesting

Imposter Syndrome: When There's a Stranger in your House.

You can’t reach where your mind doesn’t know to reach

I once heard it said over the radio about how this very talented songstress didn’t submit one of her popular songs for the said radio awards.

Why? Because she felt it wasn’t all that good for that. Me too, I also said ‘hee bann’!

Got me thinking about how God allows us to achieve such greatness, yet still think and act like we don’t deserve it and are not worthy of it.

In my experience, I see this a lot in women and men who are successful, and not in con artists.😂 Ya, I’ve experienced them.

My bro Chelopo is probably laughing kwaa kwaa right now.🤣🤣

Anyways, experts describe Imposter syndrome or phenomenon (IS) as ‘self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals.’

A good place to start with IS discourse is to consider this question:

Why is it that some people find it so hard and uncomfortable when they are being complimented? And I mean the discomfort is so real in the pit of your stomach, urging you to flee, fight, fall or fawn.

Flee: You ignore or deflect the compliment. What I sometimes do when someone ignores my compliment is I repeat it, if they deflect again I remind them it’s a compliment.

I honestly don’t know if this does any good in shifting someone’s mind, but I’m hoping it does because it did with me.

And sometimes they just keep on deflecting and I let it be, realizing what’s at play.

I kept on showering this dear friend with compliments after they shared with me how excellently their child did at school and he kept on deflecting.

Fight: You counter it with a minimizing statement: I used to say, ‘this dress? Ah, I just bought it from Shein.’ Shibu, who asked you?

Or you attack it with ‘you shouldn’t have, it wasn’t necessary, next time please don’t.’ All words I’ve used before.

Coupl’a years ago, I had this friend, Petra, call me to order.

She had given me a costly gift (not necessarily for an arm or a leg) at my birthday dinner, and I said ‘oh, you, shouldn’t have’. Cringe.

But I’m glad she did, because after I slept on it, I called her first thing in the morning and I apologized, explaining to her why I did that.

(At that time my understanding was I wasn’t used to getting gifts. I’d later realize that the truth was I didn’t think I was worthy of it).

It wasn’t long ago that I realized how demeaning and disrespectful this is to the person who took the time to compliment me with words/gifts. And if you think about it, ultimately to God!

Now, if we do this with such compliments, can you imagine what we do with big successes? Minimizing them and attacking them in our minds and consciously with words/actions.

Telling that success ‘oh but you didn’t have to do this, next time don’t!’

Fall: The equivalent of this paralytic mode is that some people literally just stare at you and don’t say anything after you’ve given them a compliment.

The inner conflict could be so overwhelming that the mind just learns to shut down.

Fawn: You immediately compliment back, in essence saying, ‘but it is you, not me, that deserves it.’ Address your compliment first, and then complement back, if it’s genuine.

Because deep down that’s not the truth, and the compliment is therefore a lie. Even if the compliment is genuine and truthful.

Ya, because, you know, there are some who compliment you for the sake of small talk. I know because I do sometimes, and I hate small talk.

So I figure I might as well compliment because in general you look good. So it’s not a lie oh.

Imposter phenomenon (IS): That which is suffered by a person who on the outside is something but on the inside is not.

What they are and what they think they are don’t match.

What they achieve and what they think they can achieve don’t match.

Conflict. Chaos. Disorder. Discord.

You feel like a fraud.

Is giving things don’t make sure, that’s what the kids of today would say!

IS is all negative energy. It’ll urge you to sabotage your successes and attempts, because the mind just wants to recalibrate to it’s level of comfort/familiarity. To what it knows.

You may ask how could you possibly have achieved success without feeling worthy. Err, well, you upskilled and upskilled yourself. Grace favored you. Etc.

Remember when I talked about high achieving to overcompensate in the self-worth newsletter?

Interestingly enough, they say IS is more common in health care graduates & academics. Go figure.

With IS, you’ll have success, and verifiable evidence of it, but lack peace about it because of your mind’s internal conflicts.

As mentioned in literature, you experience ‘pervasive feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and/or apprehension of being exposed as a fraud.’

The feelings are justifiable and have a role, and that’s preservation. I’ll tell you about how our minds operate soon.

So then what do we do?

🏹Let’s internalize God’s Word on who He says we are, and what He says we have and can do.

🏹Let’s work on our sense of self-worth, value and self-esteem. You should walk into any room, and know that you know that that’s where you deserve to be.

🏹Let’s visit our dreams frequently so that we’re not strangers when we get there. The mind can’t tell between what’s real and what’s imagined. To it, that’s the reality. What is, is.

Many of us black people come from humble backgrounds, and haven’t seen or experienced the kind of successes that we desire to achieve or have achieved.

We’ve also been so disempowered by past political eras.

And so we walk in imposter mode by default.

It has proven difficult, over and over again, for a black person to win the lotto and keep it.

🏹It may seem silly, but you have to take the time to visualize your dreams, literally daydream. Now that’s something you can do in your resting me-time.

You know what, I always say this, dreams are free of charge. But it’s a gift to dream, because others are so imprisoned in their minds that dreaming is a very expensive exercise for them.

🏹Sillier still, I’d like us to even go a mile further to create opportunities to immerse ourselves in our desired experiences.

Like dressing up in your power suit and sitting yourself at the head of the table in the boardroom, signing up for events/platforms to meet and network with successful business builders, reading/watching bios, etc.

This friend of mine once told me she desires to get a Maserati one day and I was like, well, let’s call the dealership and ask for a test drive!

Thing is, even if they said no, you got out of your comfort zone and put it out there!

Or you could just take a selfie next to it!😁 Something.

🏹Get out of that comfort zone and into new desired zones as frequently as possible!

🏹Lastly, we can flip it on its head. When you start experiencing IS, acknowledge it for what its is: you have graduated, you have progressed into higher territory, and start thanking God for it.

When you feel them coming on, turn those feelings of anxiety and doubt into jet fuel of excitement and energy for this new thing. Delight yourself in it.

Soon enough, you mind will catch on to this new normal if you live in that excitement.

🏹And even if you can’t work up the excitement in yourself, go for that thing anyways. Do it anyways.

We’re not gonna be strangers in the house of our successes when we get there, and we’ll steward and minister with them well.

TAKE HOME

If you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, here’s what’s at play, and stay with me, I’m going to give a narrative:

You don’t accept that success/the compliment of it because you’re uncomfortable with it. You’re uncomfortable because your mind is fighting with the reality of it.

Your mind is fighting because it doesn’t know that to be true, so it’s a lie. It doesn’t know that to be true because you’ve never told it it can be there/achieve that.

You’ve never told it because you didn’t believe you could do that. You did not believe you could do that because deep down you don’t think you deserve it or you’re worthy.

You don’t think you’re worthy because you never had the knowledge that you are, or you never internalized it. You never had the knowledge because you weren’t told or didn’t seek it.

You didn’t seek it or internalize it because you didn’t think you had to.

Well, we’re on a mission to seeing God’s goodness in the land of the living, on a mission to prosper in all things, so now you do.

We can’t afford to keep on sabotaging ourselves. Please, let’s seek this knowledge, internalize it and live it.

YOU’RE WORTHY. YOU’RE DESERVING. Just because you are. Period. Now where’s the drop mic emoji when you need it?

 

Oh, here we go!

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